Mirror Me: Finding Satisfaction and Happiness by Looking Inside
Why do some people sound more believable than others, even if they are reading the same script?
As someone actively involved in marketing, I always create messages for people. As a result, I need to think about the science of human behaviour in more practical terms. One of my responsibilities is to create messaging for different people, especially for videos and radio appearances. Hence, I try to get a picture of the personality of the person I’m creating the message for to find an approach that allows them to be the most convincing. One thing has come to the fore of my mind recently. Why do some people sound more believable than others, even if they are reading the same script?
Meet Ifeoluwa
In a recent conversation with Ifeoluwa, we discussed leveraging her personality to build a profitable brand and business. Ife is a very bubbly person who wears her heart on her sleeve. She is energetic when she wants to be, but you wouldn’t necessarily describe her as a bundle of energy. She’s the kind of person that you cannot help but notice. Whether she is talking or just going about her regular duty, she affects people in a way that draws them to her. These descriptions do not come close to helping you understand who she is. Let’s try again. Ife is likeable and believable. This is very key.
When Ife talks about a product, you believe first, invest trust and buy before you investigate. I’m sure you know someone like Ife in your circle. Then there is me. I can copy Ife’s script verbatim, and after I have delivered it, crickets. It’s not because Ife is a female, beautiful or even more convincing. I believe that something about her makes her relatable in very few words. For the lack of a better word, let’s call it energy. If you have gotten to this point, stay with me.
There’s a way that we are
I took my first-ever comprehensive personality test in 2017. I have taken it once every year since then. Its accuracy shocked me the first time. As I have repeated the test over time, I am more grateful that I found a tool that has helped me choose the life I want. Every year, I am reminded of my blind spots and the ones I should focus on while taking the time to reinforce my strengths. My personality has slightly improved since then, and I couldn’t be prouder.
The way that we are affects the outcomes of our lives, sometimes more than what we do if we don’t realise it early.
The results are more exponential than summative. Learning what those natural inclinations are and the parts of us readily visible to others can teach us how to lean into our traits for the things we desire to achieve. A lack of that knowledge hinders us from becoming who we are meant to be and means that we will spend time chasing the wrong things while happiness and satisfaction elude us. There are many ways this is important, but the one place where I’ve had more observation than others is in career choice and relationships.
Creating systems that maximise your natural energy
This energy is the predominant way people perceive you—the aura you exude when you walk into an environment without saying much. People exist on different levels, and none is good or bad. Some people appear knowledgeable, likeable, convincing, standoffish, terrifying, snobbish, wise, elderly, intimidating, or calming, among many other options. Some are even a combination of two or more energy states. It’s like your genes. For the most part, you can’t change what it is, but you can lean into it and drive a winning bargain for yourself. There is no one single way to win in life. An easy example to use is branding and social media.
There has been a consistent drive for specifically curated personal brands in the last few years. Irrespective of your profession, you would always be advised to create a system that allows you to take up your profession as your identity. We assume that this kind of branding will allow us to drive maximum value from our skills. In a place like Nigeria, people now describe themselves primarily through work. But what’s the cost? I think our energy has something entirely different to say about that.
Curating a life that fits you
I’ve been a writer for the last eight years. But whenever I mention to someone that I want more for my career, building a personal brand has been chiefly the suggestion. My work allows me to know how to put together a convincing narrative for a personal brand. But what was the cost for me? Because of the personality test I had been taking and my awareness of my energy, I knew I wouldn’t survive. I’m camera-shy and very comfortable behind the scenes. I don’t have stage fright as I’m a persuasive speaker. But I only want to speak when I have something to say. I prefer close-knit events. That silence is the very thing that would undermine whatever attempt I had to build a personal brand in the boisterous space of the internet.
I could push my work, but that takes considerably more time. My energy is more intimidating. For the lack of a better description, I’m a Sage for personality. I need time to make an impression, but when I do, it sticks. So, over time, people would ask me for advice or my opinion about complex issues after hesitating or summoning the courage to reach out to me.
There are places where you do not fit.
Over time, I have leaned into this energy and personality by learning, applying, and building a diverse information base. It’s how I have gotten very good at what I do. These are the things I love to do and how I find happiness and satisfaction. I would lose a lot if I decided to break my personality to suit the internet because of the time investment required. I’m a fan of moving out of your comfort zone, but this particular one was one I didn’t want to venture into. It’s not like building an online personality was a vain pursuit. There are people with my skill level who are also comfortable doing that. Not creating a personal brand has also cost me a few opportunities, but it’s a price I’m more than willing to pay for the kind of life I want.
But there is something else. The ability to sell without really selling, is something many people who build online brands do not realise. Everybody can sell if they put their minds to it and learn the tricks, but your energy will always have a say in your success rate. Likeable people who appear relatable and who have to do less convincing than others will have higher success rates. It matters significantly if your medium of choice historically operates on a short attention span. People react to energies subconsciously, and they cannot explain why. I lacked the natural skill to compete on that front, so why would I focus on my weaknesses rather than my strengths to design an authentic life I’m comfortable with?
There are celebrities and famous people you know who can sell you anything by just holding those items up. Then there are others who have a bigger influence and wider reach but cannot sell anything to save their lives. Even when they get brand deals, they don’t convert. As a marketing person, I know how annoying that can be. For example, Bimbo Ademoye and Timini Egbuson fall into the first group. Deyemi Okanlawon falls into the second group. I lacked the social capital to compete on that front, which was okay. But to make up for that, I have an incredible personality and for the career path I have chosen, and I can’t complain about the results I have had.
Finding happiness and satisfaction in life by designing a path that prioritises you
When conversing with young people like me about career choices, I always ask them the following questions: what do you know about yourself? What do you know about your personality? How do you affect people? What will a happy and satisfied life and career look like for you? I’m met with a blank stare a lot of the time. More than the choice of what to do, these questions are important.
Anybody with any energy and personality combination can fit in any career, but they need to design a path to roles and responsibilities that amplify their energy and personality.
You don’t want to have an intimidating personality and work in customer care or front desk. You don’t want to have a likeable personality and be stuck in the back end of things (you can be a back-end developer). You do not want to be someone who craves human interaction but spends most of your days behind the computer. You do not want to be sage-like and be stuck doing work that does not require deep brain stimulation.
I decided that I wanted to spend my time doing mentally stimulating and process-driven work. I wouldn’t have a large circle, and if I were ever to have a large following, it would be because of my work and my mind. Those had better ROI than building a famous personal brand from social media appearance.
Find synergies that are worth building.
Back to Ife, she is a natural. She has the dexterity, sweet tongue, and personality to curate an influencer brand, a public lifestyle brand and anything that involves helping people make snap decisions. She gains people’s trust just by her appearance. Like I said to her, that’s a lot of potential to work with. If, at any time in the future, I did come up with a brilliant idea that needed her to be the face of the brand, it doesn’t make me any less important than she is. We are just two people with different skill sets who have found functional synergy.
That brings me to my last and final point. Successful, happy and satisfied lives are not built in a vacuum. It would help if you had the contribution and skill of other people on an entirely different energy plane than you. You need to see them for who they are and what they bring and allow them to function without your interference. You also need to know the kind of people your energy attracts and how to work with them. Best believe that they will challenge you. You can’t win in life alone. You need to find synergies that minimise your weaknesses and emphasise your strengths.
Don’t rule out a collaboration between me and Ife sometime in the future.
I would love to hear from you. What was the first thing that cam across your mind when you read this? Leave me a message in the comment.